North Dakota Ponders Human Rights for Zygotes

These cells may soon have equal rights to a human

Yes, this bullhooey just passed North Dakota’s House, and is moving on to the Senate. Apparently it is intended, as other (already failed) personhood measures were, to pose a challenge to RvW.

From the AP:

The bill declares that “any organism with the genome of homo sapiens” is a person protected by rights granted by the North Dakota Constitution and state laws.

The supergenius behind this measure is bill sponsor Rep. Dan Ruby, who said, “This is very simply defining when life begins, and giving that life some protections under our Constitution — the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

For a clump of cells inhabiting a human’s internal organs?

I have some questions.

What are the laws regarding flushing humans down the toilet? Since 50%-80% of fertilized eggs, excuse me, microscopic Americans, are ejected from the body pre-implantation, that means that over half of all humans are flushed down the toilet and are now located somewhere in the sewage system. Should police be investigating these millions of abandoned corpses? The dead are practically littering the streets!

To what country are zygotes loyal? Since citizenship is awarded at birth, preborn patriots do not actually have citizenship status, and are a grave national security risk.

When humans die in America, they receive a death certificate. When unborn urchins die at the age of 1 week post-conception, can they get a death certificate even though they haven’t been born? Can you die pre-birth?

Since life begins at conception and birth into the world is just a random happenstance of little import where babies are simply removed from their containers, shouldn’t we celebrate our birthdays based on what day we were conceived? Come to think of it, shouldn’t all of our important documents, to reflect our true lifespan, and include Date of Conception in order to be accurate? Of course, since it is medically impossible to actually know what day an egg met a sperm, so no one will ever know on what day they became a person, and documents will be rather imprecise.

Since common activities like exercise and breast-feeding are known to prevent embryonic earthlings from “taking”, resulting in the death of humans, should almost everything be illegal for women to do?

Since women are often not aware for the first several weeks that they have become walking incubators and may continue to smoke and drink during that time, which in some cases will result in murder of an incubating infant, can concerned citizens form vigilante groups to perform random womb-checks and summary executions, to help along what is sure to be an over-burdened justice system?

Just some thoughts. North Dakota, I’d like some answers.


One thought on “North Dakota Ponders Human Rights for Zygotes

  1. Pingback: North Dakota tries to ban abortion « The Words on What…

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