Lance Kinzer Has the Gay Agenda All Figured Out

Ok, here’s how it works. This is logic, Kansas-style.

The gheyz, you see, want to pass a hate-crime law that defines homophobic crimes as hate crimes. But everyone knows that gheyz ought to get beat, so that doesn’t make any sense.

What could they possibly be up to?

Well, they have a master plan.

First, they pass a bill to give themselves special rights, like the right not to get beat up. Look it up, that ain’t in the Constitution.

Then, after conditioning people to accept not beating gheyz as part of a “normal” lifestyle, they pounce on a lulled and unsuspecting citizenry and force marriage equality on God-fearing Christians and restrict the personal freedoms of straight people everywhere by being equal to them.

It looks kind of like this:

1 (Can’t beat gays no more)
+2 (???)
= 3 (Gays get married/Christians have no rights)

If that’s still confusing for you, please refer to the sage words of Kansas State Rep Lance Kinzer: “I could see a court using this as background for a type of argument advancing same-sex marriage.”

Hmmm, point 2 is still a tad unclear, but what IS clear is that gheyz are nefarious, dastardly, out to get your children, and not to be trusted. That they hate America almost goes without saying, but I will allow for the possibility that Mary Cheney loves her country. So we can chalk 2 up to fairy nancy rainbow trickery, knowledge of which probably leads to involuntary gayness alone. Speak Of the Gheyness, And Gheyness Shall Appear.

The ever-entertaining Kansas Liberty website has more.

I SeE GhEy PEOplE

Daryl MetcalfeRepublican Pennsylvania State Representative Daryl Metcalfe lives a nightmarish life.

Every which way he turns, gheyz are lurking in the shadows, looking foist their agenda on an unsuspecting public.

OttoFortunately, the PA public has Rep. Metcalfe there to defend them. The battle is tough, for the gheyz are tricky. But he expertly sniffed them out behind a seemingly uncontroversial, non-partisan resolution to designate October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

The Western Pennsylvania legislator said he detected that agenda in this phrase: “one in six women and one in 33 men have experienced an attempted or completed rape.”

Oh yes. Rep. Metcalfe is good. Very good. How did he know that we homosexuals were promoting our agenda under the cover of domestic violence awareness?

“It had language woven through it that brought men into the situation,” said Metcalfe, who voted for similar resolutions in the last two years. “I don’t support the resolution or funding for groups that go beyond helping women.”

And any men who are survivors of DV must be gay (because a woman could never beat up a man!), and by offering even the intangible support of a resolution, if a gay person is in any way helped, the GHeyZ have won! Oh that Metcalfe, he can see right through our nefarious machinations.  Drat!

“His comments show incredible insensitivity about what domestic violence is, combined with bigotry against lesbians, gays, bisexual, and transgendered people,” said Michael Morrill, executive director of Keystone Progress, an advocacy group in Harrisburg.

…Victims’ advocacy groups say men are victims of domestic violence in both homosexual and heterosexual relationships. There were 835,000 reported cases of male victims of domestic violence in the nation last year, according to the resolution.

Ah. Isn’t homophobia hilarious?  And male DV victims totally not worth helping, because they might be ghey?

You get 10 respect points if you can name the movie that gay zombie hiding behind lilacs is from.