County DA in Kansas Decides to Stop Prosecuting Domestic Violence

Photo of Chad TaylorIn 2009, Shawnee County District Attorney Chadwick Taylor signed a protocol with the City of Topeka, sheriff’s office, and the Third Judicial District Court Services “for responding to and prosecuting domestic violence cases“.

Taylor agreed that his office would “aggressively prosecute domestic violence,” “review domestic violence cases as first priority” and “charge the cases that meet sufficient evidence to prosecute the case.”

In spite of this agreement, DA Taylor’s office announced on September 8th that they would no longer prosecute misdemeanors in the city of Topeka, including domestic violence cases. This announcement seems to be a reaction to a 10% budget cut for his office. He has already rejected thirty domestic violence cases and released three offenders.

To teach Taylor a lesson, the Topeka city council has a brilliant idea: repeal the city’s ban on domestic violence, i.e. the ordinance that makes it a crime!

From the Topeka Capitol-Journal:

The convoluted thinking by some council members is that if the city has no law against domestic battery, Taylor will have to take the cases and prosecute them in Shawnee County District Court.

Wow. Five city council members voted for this repeal: John Alcala, Sylvia Ortiz, Chad Manspeaker, Bob Archer and Andrew Gray.

I am actually a prison abolitionist, but when decriminalizing, one must start with behaviors, currently considered crimes, that either hurt no one or only hurt oneself. We do not currently have any societal mechanisms in place to hold people accountable for harm to others, other than the criminal justice system, so starting decriminalization with crimes that ACTUALLY HURT ANOTHER PERSON is simply an expression of contempt for the survivors/victims of such crimes.

Victim’s advocate Claudine Dombowski has a few words about this situation:

“It’s appalling, it’s disgusting.”…

Dombrowski says that she was the victim in a “misdemeanor” domestic abuse case 16 years ago – a crowbar strike to the head left her with 24 stitches and two broken wrists. Now, she worries that nothing is being done to protect victims.

“They need to invest in headstones, because these women are going to end up in cemeteries,” said Dombrowski… “The city of Topeka just said domestic violence is legal and you can beat your wife.”

Shawnee County DA Chad Taylor can be reached at:

sncoda@snco.us
785-233-8200 x4330
Fax: 785-291-4909
200 SE 7th Street, Room 21
Topeka, KS, 66603

Topeka City Council Members can be reached at:

council@topeka.org
785-368-3710
Fax: 785-368-3958
215 SE 7th, Room 255
Topeka, KS 66603-3914

The Exciting Times V.9

More Hispanics Identifying Themselves as Indians

“Hispanic is not a race, ” said [activist and blogger Carlos A.] Quiroz, whose ancestors were the Quechua people, of the Central Andes. “Hispanic is not a culture. Hispanic is an invention by some people who wanted to erase the identity of indigenous communities in America.”

Sarah Nyakuoth William

Sarah Nyakuoth William

South Sudan war widow: ‘I will have a country at last’
On the occasion of South Sudan’s independence from the Republic of Sudan, Sarah Nyakuoth William said, “I knew we’d get here in the end, but I didn’t know if I would ever see the day. Finally the day is here. I’m happy, happy for the future for my children, and all of South Sudan.”


No “boys” and “girls” at gender-neutral preschool in Sweden

At the “Egalia” preschool [in Stockholm], staff avoid using words like “him” or “her” and address the 33 kids as “friends” rather than girls and boys.

Kansas Sued Over Nonsensical Abortion Clinic Guidelines
…which seem oddly more intended to prevent women from accessing abortion than making abortion safer. Huh, how about that.

Under the new requirements, the three remaining clinics in the state would have to make enormous structural changes to their buildings and obtain new certifications in just two weeks or face possible closure.

Lawsuit pending!

NYPD Celebrates Gay Pride by Raiding a Gay Bar Minutes After Gay Marriage Victory
The Eagle patron Christopher J. Borras said, “I find interesting the timing. I would just like to know from the police: `Why did they do that?’ To me, it is a blatant sign of intimidation and harassment, I mean, 42 years after the Stonewall riots and we still have to live in fear of the police disturbing our quiet enjoyment of life?”

Kris Kobach, Is that You?

Kris KobachOF COURSE IT IS! Long-time bigoted Kansas politician Kris Kobach took his racism across state lines to help craft the controversial Arizona anti-immigrant law, SB1070. TOTAL SURPRISE.

Kobach, an Oxford and Yale-educated lawyer, has been bumping around politics for a few years, yet to get a real (strangle) hold on my fair homeland of Kansas, but not for lack of trying. As a matter of fact, he is running for Kansas Secretary of State right now, which I’m sure in no way affected his decision to get involved in this Arizona immigration hooey. To wit: “Kobach said he didn’t believe his involvement in creation of the law would have any impact on running for secretary of state.” Allow me to register my skepticism.

Kobach has an interesting and extensive history in anti-immigrant litigation, specifically, on the losing side. See for yourself. He also has ties to FAIR (Federation for American Immigration Reform), a white-supremacist, anti-immigrant hate group whom he has worked for in the past.

“There are some things that states can do and some that states can’t do, but this law threads the needle perfectly,” Kobach has said. Whatever that means.

He’s also said he’s doing this because, “I believe in the cause.”

I don’t doubt that a minute.

UPDATE 5/1/10: Kris Kobach shares his totally reasonable, non-bigoted thoughts with the New York Times.

UPDATE #2 5/3/10:

Republican secretary of state candidate Kris Kobach not only helped write Arizona’s new immigration law, but he has been working for $300 per hour to train law enforcement officers there on procedures in arresting suspected illegal immigrants.

Kobach, an attorney, was hired as an immigration expert to help the Maricopa County sheriff’s office in immigration enforcement activities and policy. The contract, signed in October, calls for a minimum payment to Kobach of $1,500 per month, plus expenses and travel.

From the Lawrence Journal-World.

Kansas Governor Vetoes Anti-Abortion Bill

Kansas State Rep Lance Kinzer (et al)’s weird anti-abortion bill has been vetoed by governor Mark Parkinson. HALLELUJAH!

The bill would have eliminated threats to mental health as an acceptable reason to obtain a late-term abortion and forced doctors to hand over medical details about women receiving late-term abortion to politicians. Another part of “pro-life” attempts at chipping away women’s medical rights and bodily autonomy.

On a different note, how come every article about stupid anti-abortion antics has to include 1.) a quote from someone representing a wacko pro-life agency and 2.) someone from Planned Parenthood? Well, I guess Missouri is changing the standards, since the article under discussion was printed in the redoubtable bastion of unbiased journalism, the Kansas City Star, it only contains quotes from the Kansans for Life wacko and from the pro-life politician, Kinzer. Bleh.

UPDATE 5/5/10: On the second try, the Kansas Legislature overrode the veto. On to the Senate…

Mental Health Attacked as Reason for Abortion in Kansas

Sigh. Yet again, tiresome Kansas State Representative Lance Kinzer, a man, is leading the way in attempts to restrict women’s reproductive choices and her decisions regarding her own health.

His current hobby horse is finding ever-more invasive and paternalistic ways to take away women’s ability to obtain late-term abortion. He has found that outlawing late-term abortion altogether won’t fly, because then some women who need such abortions merely to survive might die, and he’d have a PR nightmare on his hands.

So he has refocused on eliminating the mental health exception to the general late-term abortion ban (late-term abortions are banned in Kansas except for “irreversible impairment of a major bodily function”). Mental health has been ruled by courts as possibly meeting this exception, and Kinzer is incensed.

From the Topeka Capital-Journal:

Kinzer argued that getting rid of the mental health exception fit with the state’s “legitimate interest in protecting life.”

“What we have here is a baby, a baby if given the chance would be able to live on its own outside its mothers’ womb,” Kinzer said.

What about the state’s interest in protecting the life of the woman, you idiot!? AAAAArg.

Oh, but friend-of-women Kinzer isn’t done yet. Oh no, he and his pals have more ideas about how they can improve women’s lives by intruding into their personal business and restricting their medical options.

From the Wichita Eagle:

[A] second proposal would require doctors to provide an exact medical diagnosis justifying a late-term abortion in their reports to the state.

It also would allow a woman or her family to sue a doctor if there was evidence that her late-term abortion violated the law.

Nice guys. Real nice. Totally constitutional. I, for one, would relish the opportunity to report ALL my doctor’s visits to the state! Because my health and the medical procedures I undergo are totally the proper business of Lance Kinzer, et al. So can we work on making this bill equal? I have a feeling men are going to really pissed to so be cavalierly left out of this life-protecting measure. What’s good for the gander is good for the goose, no?

SHOUT PEACE

Shout Peace on Mount Oread

The Oread Hotel, ostentatiously built atop “Mount Oread” next to the campus of the University of Kansas, opened in January.  Its location on the top of the largest hill in town (that would be “Mount Oread”), and thereby it’s immediate status as the tallest thing in any direction for miles (some townsfolk non-jokingly call it a “sky scraper”) is controversial.  Some people in the community aren’t entirely sure that they’re pleased that wealthy developers erecting a private, for-profit business are able to so drastically change their city’s skyline without community consultation.  Others think it looks like a giant medieval prison.  Still others think it adds “class” to a neighborhood characterized by cheap, rundown housing and nicknamed the “student ghetto”.

The controversy has only escalated since the appearance of a vandal’s ominous message on it’s highest wall: SHOUT PEACE.  Just read the comments section on the local newspaper’s story: The Oread hotel falls victim to vandals.

In a town/city of Lawrence’s size, it’s kind of a “round up the usual suspects” sort of situation. But what I love/hate about this little scenario is how a little bit of optimistic, anti-violence graffiti has rocked the whole community, creating contention, divisions, and sad head shaking about what the world is coming to.

Yes, what must the world be coming to when an activist shouts peace from the rooftops? Vandals! Anarchy! Graffiti! Urban crime!

Now that I reside in New York, my view on the situation is rather different than what I imagine it would have been had I never left Kansas. Really, my only reaction is delight. Wealthy business owners and a “high class” establishment for elites have been angered, an anonymous townsperson spontaneously took back a public-facing wall, and a message of SHOUT PEACE was spread.

Hilarious. And awesome. Typical Kansas.

Kansas Lawmakers Plan to Restrict Late Abortion, Despite Absence Of Late Abortion in State

Lance KinzerYou know if Kansas State Rep Lance Kinzer is involved, it’s going to be good. I get more material for this blog from my google alert out on him than from any other single source.

So it is with an air of comfortable familiarity that I relate to you his plans to chip away at women’s ability to access late term abortions in Kansas, despite the fact that a psychotic killer already murdered the only person who provided them in the state. (Just to be clear, late term abortions are already restricted to women who need them to prevent serious bodily harm or death, along with a variety of even less sensical restrictions.)

The Lawrence Journal-World:

Tiller was the face of the abortion debate in Kansas — and sometimes nationally — because his Wichita clinic was among a few in the U.S. performing abortions in the last weeks of pregnancy. Tiller’s clinic has been closed since he was shot to death in May and no doctor or clinic elsewhere in Kansas is doing the same work.

But legislators who oppose abortion still expect to pass a bill requiring doctors who perform late-term procedures to report more information to the state and making it possible for them to face lawsuits if patients or others come to believe their abortions violated state law. Abortion opponents contend such issues are still compelling, even if no doctor or clinic is performing abortions as late as Tiller did.

So saving imaginary pre-born patriots is more “compelling” than dealing with Kansas’ multitude of non-imaginary problems, like poverty, foreclosures, homelessness, drug addiction, the disappearance of small farmers as factory farming takes over, de-facto racial segregation, unemployment, lack of public transportation, massive budget shortfalls, waterway pollution, religious intolerance, and etc.

Fascinating, Lance.

Some abortion rights supporters had hoped for a break from the Legislature’s perennial debates over abortion because of lingering revulsion over Tiller’s murder, including among many abortion opponents.

Ha! How amusingly naïve.

“There’s nobody in the state of Kansas who’s doing abortions past 22 weeks of pregnancy. It’s a moot issue,” said Peter Brownlie, president and chief executive officer of Planned Parenthood of Kansas and Mid-Missouri.

Femicide in Kansas

James Kraig KahlerMisogynist wife-abuser James Kraig Kahler went to Topeka and tried to kill all the women on his ex-wife’s side of the family.  No hate crime here!  The gender of the victims has absolutely nothing to do with their killer’s choice to murder them.  Except that  Kahler did love his son and managed not to kill him.  What a thoughtful dad.  The dead are ex-wife Karen Kahler, and teen daughters Emily and Lauren.  Wounded is Karen’s 89-year-old grandmother.

Lance Kinzer Has the Gay Agenda All Figured Out

Ok, here’s how it works. This is logic, Kansas-style.

The gheyz, you see, want to pass a hate-crime law that defines homophobic crimes as hate crimes. But everyone knows that gheyz ought to get beat, so that doesn’t make any sense.

What could they possibly be up to?

Well, they have a master plan.

First, they pass a bill to give themselves special rights, like the right not to get beat up. Look it up, that ain’t in the Constitution.

Then, after conditioning people to accept not beating gheyz as part of a “normal” lifestyle, they pounce on a lulled and unsuspecting citizenry and force marriage equality on God-fearing Christians and restrict the personal freedoms of straight people everywhere by being equal to them.

It looks kind of like this:

1 (Can’t beat gays no more)
+2 (???)
= 3 (Gays get married/Christians have no rights)

If that’s still confusing for you, please refer to the sage words of Kansas State Rep Lance Kinzer: “I could see a court using this as background for a type of argument advancing same-sex marriage.”

Hmmm, point 2 is still a tad unclear, but what IS clear is that gheyz are nefarious, dastardly, out to get your children, and not to be trusted. That they hate America almost goes without saying, but I will allow for the possibility that Mary Cheney loves her country. So we can chalk 2 up to fairy nancy rainbow trickery, knowledge of which probably leads to involuntary gayness alone. Speak Of the Gheyness, And Gheyness Shall Appear.

The ever-entertaining Kansas Liberty website has more.

You Know What the Health Care Debate Really Needed? The Insertion of Abortion Politics!

Am I right or am I right?

Like, OMFGWTFHolyShit what if more people being covered by health insurance means more people will have access to abortion! We’re talking about lives here people! Precious preborn patriots may DIE just so more postborn people can live! Where are your priorities?

Oh yes. Because that is exactly where certain people are at right now in the health care debate:

Kansans for Life sent out a “call to action” today, urging Kansans to contact their legislators and ask them to vote against any anti-life efforts, including easier access to taxpayer-funded abortions.

“This is the abortion-industry’s dream bill,” [Executive Director Mary Kay] Culp told Kansas Liberty.

Kansans for Life
I think some people out there in Kansas are particularly sore right now, now that beloved, and pro-choice, Governor Kathleen Sebelius is Secretary of Health and Human Services, a department that will be quite involved in any health care policy reform.

It’s good to know that “controversial” things like women’s bodily autonomy are still being leveraged to great effect for ever new purposes by the backwards-looking among us. For some people, even hindsight isn’t 20/20.

Library Decides to Restrict Books Indicating Sex Can Be Enjoyable

Leave it to Kansas to try bringing book banning back into style.

The Topeka and Shawnee County Public Library Board voted to “restrict access” to four books that discuss sex in a positive way, half of which are about gay sex. I’m sure that’s simply coincidence.

What are these evil, sinful tomes? Why, they are “The Joy of Sex,” “The Joy of Gay Sex,” “The Lesbian Kama Sutra,” and “Sex for Busy People.”

Kim BorchersHere’s an interesting tidbit: the request to ban “restrict access” to these books came from an individual, one Kim Borchers of the group “Kansans for Common Sense Policy,” who attends church each Sunday with 4 of the 5 Library Board members who voted for the ban “access restriction.”

No conflict of interest there!

“Board Chair Kerry Storey said it was the most disappointing moment in her 25-year association with the library.

…The board will decide whether to put the books on the top shelf, put them behind the counter or do something else with them at next month’s meeting.”

“Do something else”… like burn them perhaps? ; )

This Kim Borchers individual, a stay-at-home mom whose Kansans for Common Sense Policy organization does not turn up in web searches, has been advocating for greater censorship in libraries for a few years now, it appears. She also has been photographed twice speaking at Americans for Prosperity Kansas, a conservative organization closely partnered with Townhall. Interesting.

Jana Mackey Day & International Women’s Day

Jana MackeyJana Mackey was a friend of mine in college. Read about her story here and check out the press release below.

For Immediate Release February 27, 2009

March 8th – “Jana Mackey Day in Kansas”

Hays, KS – In the coming days Kansas lawmakers will be joining Governor Kathleen Sebelius in recognizing International Women’s Day on March 8th by honoring a recent victim and fatality of domestic violence.

Jana Mackey, a 25 year old KU law student was murdered by her ex-boyfriend last July in Lawrence. Jana was well known throughout Kansas for her work on many women’s issues.

Governor Sebelius has signed a proclamation recognizing March 8th as a “Jana Mackey Day in Kansas.”

On March 5th Senator Janis Lee (D-Kensington) and Senator Marci Francisco (D-Lawrence) will be sponsoring a resolution honoring Mackey. On the House side, Representative Eber Phelps (D-Hays), Representative Barbara Ballard (D-Lawrence), and Representative Paul Davis (D-Lawrence) will be presenting Mackey’s family with a formal certificate on March 9th.

Mackey, who grew up in Hays, had spent endless hours volunteering to aid victims of sexual assault and domestic violence. She had also served three years as one of the youngest lobbyists at the Kansas Capitol with the National Organization for Women.

After her death, Mackey’s family and friends established a national campaign to help her service live on through others. Symbolic of the number of people who attended her funeral, the Eleven Hundred Torches campaign urges hundreds of ordinary citizens to serve others.

Governor Sebelius has joined the campaign and is calling on all Kansans to set aside time on March 8th to volunteer in their communities.

Special volunteer events are being planned in Hays and in Lawrence on that day.

International Women’s Day began in 1908 with a 15,000 women’s march through New York City calling for equal voting and work rights for women. In 1913 the event was officially scheduled as March 8th. Today International Women’s Day is celebrated world-wide and is an official holiday in 15 nations.

For more information about Eleven Hundred Torches, see their website at www.1100torches.org.

Anti-Choicers on a Roll in Kansas

So this makes four. Four bills meant to chip away at women’s access to abortion are currently circulating in Kansas.

I first posted about the bill to make women listen to the fetal heartbeat before being allowed to have an abortion.

Then I posted about a bill that would allow her family or husband to sue if they think a woman’s abortion was “illegal”. It would also force doctors to read a pro-life, anti-abortion script to patients before allowing them to have their procedure.

And now there’s two more!

The Kansas City Star informs us that Kansas Rep. Steve Huebert is sponsoring a bill to remove the mental health exemption for late term abortion. “I don’t think mental distress qualifies,” he states.

Is that your medical opinion, Steve, or from your experience as a woman with a difficult pregnancy and severe mental health issues?

The fourth (and final?) bill would force abortion providers to provide the Kansas government in Topeka with personal medical information about each late term abortion they perform so that the government can determine whether the medical decision was “justified”. Why the government has a compelling interest in double-checking doctors’ decisions only in the case of abortion is not clear.

Women Haters Busy in Kansas

My new favorite guy to hate, Kansas State Rep Lance Kinzer, is at it again! No longer is it enough for him to advocate that women be forced to listen to the fetal heartbeat before being “allowed” to have the medical procedure they scheduled.

No, while that sure-to-be-vetoed bill is languishing, he has moved on to newer, shinier attacks on abortion.

Like this one, chronicled in the Wichita Eagle:

TOPEKA – Abortion opponents touted a bill Tuesday that would change how doctors report the reasons for late-term abortions.

“We want to make sure we know the actual medical diagnosis,” Rep. Lance Kinzer, R-Olathe, the bill’s sponsor, told House Federal and State Affairs Committee.

The proposal also would allow a woman or certain members of her family to file civil lawsuits against an abortion provider they suspected had violated the law. The law would apply to the father if he is married to the woman and to her parents if she is under 18 years old when the suspected violations occurred.

Michael Schuttloffel, executive director of the Kansas Catholic Conference, praised the bill… He also praised a proposed change in the written information that a woman is required to be given at least 24 hours before an abortion is performed.

Under the bill, the [new] written information would have to state that “the abortion will terminate the life of a whole, separate, unique living human being.”

Continue reading

Kansas Women Seeking Abortion May Be Required to Listen to Fetal Heartbeat

Photobucket
Women iz dum bitches

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

When will pro-lifers figure out that their fake “informed consent” attacks on abortion are ineffective? And that their real agenda is totally transparent?

Get a load of this.

A group of both Republicans and Democrats today introduced a bill related to abortion.

They call it the “Woman’s Right to Know and See” bill.

It would require doctors who use a sonogram to provide a copy of that sonogram to a woman considering an abortion.

It would also require that the woman be allowed to hear the fetal heartbeat.

Reminds me of what went down last year in Oklahoma.

My inside sources tell me that the slimy culprit behind this travesty is one Lance Kinzer, a conservative Kansas State Representative from Olathe. He apparently was also behind a failed attempt to repeal domestic partnerships in Lawrence, KS. Great pedigree.

My anonymous source commented: “So today he introduced the “Woman’s Right to Know and See” bill in the statehouse here in Kansas, which is just appalling. It pretty much forces, by law, doctors who are going to perform abortions in Kansas to take a sonogram, and show it to the woman. But oh no! It doesn’t stop there! This bill would ALSO FORCE (by law!!) the woman to listen to the fetus’ heartbeat. Just in case she wants to change her mind.”

According to anti-abortion websites, 16 states already have some of this breed of “Women’s Right to Know” legislation, including Pennsylvania, Georgia, Louisiana, Minnesota, Texas, Florida and Missouri. (Haven’t found a full list yet.) These laws are sold as “informed consent” for women seeking abortion.

“Folks who are pro-life and even folks who are pro-choice can agree on something, and that is that no one should have an abortion without having full and accurate information about the status of their pregnancy,” said Representative Lance Kinzer, who introduced the bill.

I believe that women should be fully informed about their options and the health and economic effects of all their choices. But in that I differ from Kinzer, who just doesn’t want women to have abortions at all. Who really thinks that women are so stupid that they don’t know what an abortion is? Who could possibly have escaped the incredibly shrill pro-life propaganda that saturates America? No woman chooses abortion without reflection. To claim that women are literally too dumb to understand that abortion is the removal of a fetus is insulting. He shows no interest in making sure women are “fully informed” about the effects of pregnancy and childbirth, which are proven to have significantly more serious health effects than abortion. I wonder why?

Women’s Right to Know laws are simply vehicles to legally coerce women to delay or decide against abortion- they are never supported by anyone who believes in a woman’s right to choose. There is no other medical procedure treated in this special manner, yet there is no stink about people getting their tonsils out without ‘informed consent’ or having breast augmentation without ‘informed consent’.

But Kinzer has struck upon a new fake Women’s Right to Know tactic: previously, such tactics have involved forcing doctors to read anti-abortion statements they disagree with to their patients, giving women anti-abortion written material, forcing women to review images of fetuses at different stages in development, and showing women ultrasound or sonogram images of their pregnancy. Kinzer has struck upon something new here with this fetal heartbeat business. The ONLY reason he would push this coercive and condescending measure into law would be as another attempt to interfere with and shame women who choose abortion.

Sick bastards over there in the Kansas State congress.

h/t Fally

UPDATE: More news coverage in Kansas today.

Lawrence-Journal World

Kansas City Star

My Best Friend Lied to Me About Crypto Sporidium

Cryptosporidium lives in the intestine of infected humans or animals. Millions of crypto parasites can be released in a bowel movement from an infected human or animal. Consequently, Cryptosporidium is found in soil, food, water, or surfaces that have been contaminated with infected human or animal feces.

The most common symptom of cryptosporidiosis is watery diarrhea.

A few years back, there was an outbreak of Crypto Sporidium in my Kansas hometown. Some infected kid shi.t in the town’s only public pool during a hot, hot summer. Within days we had an epidemic on our hands.

My friends and I laughed off the epidemic, congratulating ourselves on being too smart to go swimming in the public pool (due to an already solid reputation for being nasty).

After a few months, the epidemic took its course and everyone could safely forget that they had ever become acquainted with the term “Crypto Sporidium.”

That is, until last weekend, when during a fit of binge drinking with my newly married best friend, dark secrets that had remained buried for years rose to the surface. Here’s how it went down:

Setting: van full of drunk people, Dallas, ~11pm

S.Michael: mumble mumble mumble Crypto Sporidium mumble mumble….

Me (joking): S.Michael! You never told me you got Crypto Sporidium!

S.Michael (whipping his head around to look at his new wife): YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM!

Me: I was joking. Wait a minute, you really had Crypto Sporidium?

S.Michael: (awkward silence)

Me: YOU DICK! Each bowel movement releases millions of parasites! All your friends could have got that off your toilet seat! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU KEPT THIS SECRET FROM YOUR BEST FRIEND FOR FIVE YEARS.

It turns out that S.Michael and his future wife had clandestinely gone swimming in the public pool at the height of the epidemic. He claims that for the first week he innocently attributed the sudden uptick in bowel movements to the effects of unchecked binge drinking and that it wasn’t until the second week that he considered a connection between 1. Extreme diarrhea epidemic at public pool, 2. Taking a swim at said public pool, and 3. Experiencing extreme diarrhea immediately thereafter.

Be that as it may, this is no excuse for HIDING the fact that he had Crypto Sporidium at whichever point he realized it, as revealing his situation could have led to increased precautions on the part of his friends.

Crypto Sporidium may never have affected my intestines, but it has now infected my heart. I will never trust again.

© idyllicmollusk 4/25/08